Desperation and Inspiration

So many times I have thought, Damn! Science is so freaking amazing, why can't they make a pill for weight loss that won't have a side effect of, ya know, killing you by a heart attack?! I don't get it. We have amazing medications that can alter blood pressure, cholesterol levels, brain chemistry, etc... But nothing that can just liquidate all the lovely adipose tissue I got building up in my trunk and bumpers? (Bumpers? what?)

Sigh. If only. If only every single one of those ads on TV for the various "magic weight loss" pills actually worked. (You mean I CAN'T eat my butterfingers and hot tamales, take a pill and lose weight?!) But, alas, I have been there. I have ordered some of those said pills. I have taken them, out of sheer desperation, to kick start SOMETHING. I have tried a couple kinds actually. I won't name any names on here, simply because I have no idea if I could get in trouble for that. :) But who cares what ones they were, they didn't work. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Truth of the matter is, I didn't want to do the work. I had full expectations that something in one of these magic pills would do it for me. What is that definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results each time? Is that how it goes? Well, anyway, something like that. Taking a pill, no results. Crap! Taking pill number two. No results. What?! How is this NOT working?! (Says the girl on the couch with the remote) What does it take to get it (this party) started?!

The black eyed peas, duh. Sorry, dumb joke. But really, what it takes is that rock solid bottom. That place where you feel so insanely desperate, feel that the light at the end of the tunnel is so incredibly dim you need to squint real hard just to see it. But, accompanied with that rock bottom is this guy I know called inspiration. He is kinda little and hangs out in the back, but he is still there none the less. He's saying "hey Abby, you are down. This is as deep down as it gets. You see that light up there? Lets get it." It comes down to YOU making that choice to leave rock bottom and make your way up to that light. In reality, many of us hang out at rock bottom for awhile. Sit here, mope, get depressed, get even more down on ourselves. Until finally, that little guy hanging out in the back makes his way forward and his voice is louder and louder until he is finally screaming in your ear. Something inspires you to move forward, inspires you to move up.  For me it was that giant 20 staring me in the face that day in the dressing room. It was me getting winded chasing my kids around the living room. It was staring at a picture and thinking wow I didn't think I looked THAT bad. But it was also the fact that I was on (started at age 24) two cholesterol medications. Whatever your inspiration is, don't ever let him sink back into the corner again.

Sure it is easy for me to say all this, sitting at my computer. The ugly truth is I have been feeling pretty crappy, and quite frankly, embarrassed. I have worked out a handful of times in the last 3 weeks. I took my boyfriend to Farrell's to try it out and I couldn't even keep up with him. I ate a butterfinger tonight while watching Biggest Loser. Four more days until the challenge starts. I have my own little dead line. It's kinda like I need to have my last rendezvous with my old fling before I kiss him goodbye. It sounds crazy but you do kinda mourn when you lose contact with that special piece of "therapy." Eventually I can bring these things back into my life, but in moderation. I know I can. So it's not so long. It's see ya later. (Is she still talking about food??)

In four days its on. In four days I will hit it again. Falling off the wagon is normal, and it's ok. Just don't get drug through the dirt for too long and always, really, ALWAYS find your way back on. I know where I work out I have, at any given time, a half a dozen hands stretched out always waiting to pull me back on. It's up to me to grab one.